Remembering is Love

I have spent the past 30 years worth of Christmasses in my hometown Cebu. Thirty Christmasses In a 3 house compound lined up in a cozy little street called Sanjercasvil Private Road. But this year is a little bit different. I sit on a bamboo chair at Tita Virgie's lanai and look at Yoya's house just a few steps away almost expecting her to come out of the swing door in her brown Carmelite dress and call out, "Hi Choots!". Her voice full of life. Full of certainty. Full of purpose.

I wonder what makes her passing so different from my Yoyo's. Me and my relatives have contemplated about it a lot but I'm not sure if we really understood it fully. As I move along Christmas day today I stare at the quiet house and remember her presence. I remember how much of it was shared and poured into to every moment we came to visit.

I suppose her that's why her passing aches a little bit more. It's because she always made sure that she was never absent for anything significant in my life.

The memories of Yoya come in waves right now. The most recent one I remember was when she attended my Life in the Spirit Seminar sharing in August of last year. I remember finishing my testimony in tears. Welcomed by the hugs of family and friends. And there silently standing to wait for me to reach her was my grandmother. A proud smile on her lips. A certain twinkle in her eye. She hugged me and said in her most certain voice, "I love you Choots."

I don't know why out of all the memories I have of her, this is what surfaces today. It's not that easy to find the words nor to make sense of it all. But in a silent melancholy way, today I remember how much I am loved.

An Evening Meditation on St. Therese of Lisieux

The darkness enfolds me, Lord, it is the end of another day. Noises are being hushed, and I still my restless heart in your presence.

I rejoice that I am safe in your keeping whatever may come to pass. And I thank you for the many blessings received today and throughout my life. You have fashioned my soul to seek you out, and now that I have found you, I know you will never let me go.

As the day draws to a close, I reflect on many things, and find I am negligent in remembering your commandment to love others as you love me.

Your little friend, St. Therese, understood your dear request, and tonight I am reminded of that phrase that traced her own destiny: “At the evening of life, you will be judged on love.”

If I am judged on love, Lord, I confess to many lapses. And before this day goes by forever, forgive me, for not having comforted those who need support, for turning away when someone looked for help, for using harsh words instead of kind ones, for remaining silent when others deserved praise.

Help me to remember the words of St. Therese, and increase my little ways of love to share with friends and strangers. In prayer, link me with those who suffer, are hungry or distressed. Take them in your care, Lord, and let your loving spirit fill the world tonight, so that we may understand the true meaning of life, when you again send us your morning light.

____________

This is a prayer I found in my Lola's prayer book (The Divine Office). It was inserted in one of the pages and peeked out when I was leafing through. St. Therese is a saint who has permeated my life and my family's life for as long as I remember. I take comfort under her wing in this time of healing and restoration.

For Lola

For my Lola who passed away November 30, 2008.

Dear Lola,

There are a lot of things I don’t understand right now and am finding it hard to grasp. I don’t understand why in our family death would always come in the season of Christmas. I don’t understand why in our family grief is always dealt with laughter instead of tears. I don’t understand why in our family deep affection is mostly expressed in deep silence.

There are a lot of things I don’t understand about death and what it takes away and what it leaves behind. Like my memory of rushing to write little notes behind the photographs I took just a week before you passed. I found my littlest doll and remembered the tons of dolls you kept above your shelf. So I thought you’d probably need one for company. I sent the doll I named Star along with envelope of photos and through my Mom just a week before your final goodbye. It never occurred to me that my lighthearted liking for dolls was something you and I shared till now. I didn’t know that this would be the last thing I would do for you because all I was thinking was trying to finding a way to make you smile as you lay in the hospital healing from everything you’ve been going through.

Mom said you liked the photos and in our last conversation which happened also just a week before, your muffled voice told me with much effort but with a lot of conviction, that you’ve seen the photographs and they’re beautiful.

It occurs to me now that behind that strong, bold and decisive exterior was hidden a little girl, who probably had many stories to share with her dolls simply veiled by a canopy of dreams we couldn’t quite see.

I realize now that I never got so close as to finding out what your own dreams were and if some of my dreams were actually yours bearing fruit. But I know that you went to all of our graduations and I know that you proudly displayed all your children’s diplomas on your living room wall. I realize now that these walls were where you stored your memories and that you held these memories so dear that you can’t help but share them to every guest that came into your home.

I didn’t realize that we both liked the color red. I never admitted my liking for it in the beginning because Red might be too bold or too strong or to out there. And for most my life, I remember always having to struggle with being “too out there”. But you never shied away from boldness or any moment that called for you to stand up and offer what you can of yourself in service to God or in casual companionship for another. I realize that your daily afternoon routines of taking a drive down the city streets of Cebu or the panoramic roads of the South Reclamation was a silent devotion to the virtue of always having the zeal to remain in active participation in the life you had lived.

There was so much energy in your step and so much persistence in your stride that no wheelchair, no cane, and no, not even a leg amputation can keep you down. To your last breath, you had enough fight in you to even go looking for your shoes.

Even when the lights grew dim and your memory faded, you stayed awake long enough to graciously send everybody off.
I realize, we your family, was everything to you. There are no compromises in your mind and in your heart when it came to ensuring that your family is taken cared of, well fed or warmly attended to. Your intensity protected us. Your passion fueled us to move through life. It didn’t matter whether we took different paths because the fierceness of your love always brought us to remembering home.

This night before we bade you our last farewell, we remember everything. We hold everything. We feel everything. Though you may find us badlungon tonight because of this tribute, I pray that you allow us to just do what we do best. I’m sure you’ve already found a new pair of shoes and perhaps a bright red dream cloud that’s carrying you off to the your most exciting laag ever, allow us to serenade you with our own heartsongs. Songs that cradle for us the most intimate memories we have of you and what we have shared in this life. Songs that say, we know and understand now the life you lived and who you were in ours. Songs that say, we have learned, you have made a difference and the fierce and fiery way your heart kept beating for each one of us sets us free.

So La, everything is okay. We are fine. We are definitely well fed and your love will hover and keep us warm through all our days.

It’s now your time to dance. Walk Free.

We love you.

The Sky Smiled Tonight

The last time it happened was recorded to be at 1818. The next time it is predicted to happen is in 247 years. I deeply regret not having taken a photograph when I was already staring at the scene because it was right above me.

The sky looked like twilight. Faint hues of light glowing from just above the horizon. Darker shades of blue hovering above making the crescent moon glow with much charm upon velvet.

It's an awesome phenomenon and it makes me wonder about the Universe's Hand and how it seems to fingerpaint the sky with much beauty like this.

Lessons from Work Resignations: Seeing Beyond The Change that Endings Bring and Taking that Leap of Faith to Begin Again

I've resigned twice in my life. The first resignation was to pursue higher learning in business school. In that resignation, there was a party to send me and a couple of people off where I got an award for innovation and leadership. I was unsure about my next move. I was scared about the next step. I didn't have any amunition with me to ensure that I will succeed. My life moved on 2 months after and before I knew it I was sitting in a caseroom filled with 73 people from different nationalities battling over airtime to discuss opinions about a 15 pager Harvard Business Case.

I was clueless. I was lost. I felt like a little girl in a room full of grown-ups. What was I doing here, I asked? A few months passed and I realized that I wasn't the only one asking that question. Two years down the line I passed my thesis. My grades weren't impressive. I was only proud of a couple of subjects that were leaning towards self-mastery, art, creativity, entrepreneurship. All the rest were average. Two weeks before graduation, our class president asked if I can deliver the graduation response speech in behalf of our batch. She said I was the best orator in class. It didn't sink in that my oratory skills were worth a place on stage for graduation. I thought those were just given to students who were graduating at the top of the list. The spot was given to me for some reason and so I delivered my first graduation speech in all my academic life. What I didn't get in honor medals or dean's list awards, I miraculously made up for in that 5 minutes of airtime graduating from one of the Philippines' toughest business schools in 2005.

I didn't know what I was going to next. So I ended up volunteering for church as a fulltime youth minister. The experiences were so overwhelming and I needed time to figure my life out again. Coming out of a business boot camp armed me with a sharp mind and a pretty tough interior. It also gave me a humbled spirit. Working for a church organization seemed easy enough. It should be. After all, I was working with a bunch of kids. What can be so complicated with that? But I was mistaken when I realized that I was dealing with unique individualities and vulnerable hearts that called for much nurturing than I was capable of giving. I was spent. Dried up. And in parallel, started off to pursue the first stage of my career as a change catalyst.

They say, people who institute change are those who are able to withstand the toughest change themselves. I've read about people like these. I've read about their lives and I've seen some of them in person. I've always marveled at their tough inner core. Oftentimes shrinking shyly back because I have nothing to show since I considered myself quite weak.

And I am. Two years stay in the company I got into after my volunteer stint exhausted all creativity out of me. Transitioning from entrepreneurial environment to professional without any back-up, no clear structure, no grounded support from the instigator of change whatever I learned in business school that will help me survive went down the drain. Soon I stopped reading business books or leadership journals and went for The Daily Word, Devotionals and Podcasts. I realized that I am battling with the toughest mindset to break in all change initiatives because that mindset belongs to the one who wants the change himself. I went horizontal and reached out to my peers. I went vertical to reach up to management. I barely made a dent.

I'm not sure if I still made a dent. I have stacks of studies and reports and files saved in my hard drive as a result of the churning of brainpower to satisfy all expectations I could ever anticipate. But that's all they are now. Files.

Today is my last day of work and my arms were full this morning because I carried some gifts I bought for a few co-workers who I have grown attached to during my 2.5 year journey. You'd expect someone who has been hired to change the make-up of a 1.2B company to have more than two arm-full of packages. But no. I can only list with my two hands those I can say I really made a difference with. And half of them were not even from any department that I directly worked with. Half of them were the receptionist, the company driver, the company guard, the company janitor and janitress.

But I was cheerful today because I enjoyed painting my gift wrappers and writing handwritten thank you notes to those I wanted to wish all the best to.

I handed them with a "Para sa inyo po." (This is for you) and a warm smile. I know they didn't expect anything from me. And I also didn't expect anything from them. But the response was overwhelming.

Two of them cried after they read my note. And one of them said they were intending to buy a bag (my gift was a knapsack). There was really nothing to my note, I thought. It was a simple:

Napagaan niyo ang mga araw ko dito sa opisina. Salamat sa pag-tulong niyo sa kin sa mga maliit na bagay: pagbukas ng pinto, pagbati sa umaga, pagtimpla ng kape. (You made my life easier here in the office. Thank you for helping me in small things: opening the door, greeting me in the morning, making me coffee).

I didn't realize how much those words meant to them till I saw how it moved them. I didn't realize how much I was grateful really until I saw their tears. I thought I was just being gracious and cordial like people who resign from offices do. But there was something more.

I realized that no matter how small a contribution or how low your position, there will always be a moment meaningful enough to be remembered. Meaningful enough to be held. Meaningful enough to fuel a heart changed forever.

I am much more certain about where I am going this time around. I am much more certain about what I can do and who I want to be. But it's funny because it wasn't some great big career breakthrough or most expected promotion that brought about this epiphany. No awards were given this time to send me off. In fact, if I paid close detail to what the facts say of this experience it only spells one thing: I failed.

I look out of my office window from my little office corner for the last time. The skies are cloudy but the sun is bright. The skyline has patches of gray and orange. Breathing in, I sense something else.

The facts may describe one thing. But faith determines something else. Interspersed with reality and possibility is that very small window of breathing hope. That small window kept me above water. Kept me believing despite circumstances that because I am a child of the heavens, the hands that made a miracle out of me will not stop till the masterpiece is unveiled. Against all odds, against all scars...I am Redeemed. And there's no greater victory I can ever experience in my life than that.

A Brief Epiphany on Walking

I see other people's lives cross mine. Sometimes I can't help but look and feel a bit envious of their own progress. I look back at mine and wonder if I've gone as far. I've slowly started to learn not to concern myself with other people's lives in that matter because it doesn't help keep me in place. When I was walking up the steep road on my way back home, my legs were getting strained. I could walk upright because I had to lunge my body forward to keep being held back by the slope's gravity. If I looked ahead, I could see that the road was long and the top was far away from me. But if I looked at my shoes, I could see that the next step was just one foot forward away. And that was what kept me going. Just taking one foot forward at a time.

Eventually I arrived. For any experienced athlete that walk was chicken feed. But for me, it's quite a feat to decide to even begin in the first place. I suppose this is where my romance with exercise begins. Since I have already been enamored in my spirit, now it's time to let that flow through my body.

Walking Without Excuses

Today was a struggle to get out of bed. But I wanted to keep to my commitment and sluggishly drag myself out, put on some clothes and walking shoes. The morning air greeted me again this time with a sunnier smile. The sun shines so bright these days. When the clouds don't get in the way it can be bitingly hot. I'm glad that it doesn't bite so much in the morning. I saw the rays peeking orange through the tree leaves and smiled.

I really love mornings.

So I popped in my morning podcast and went for the walk. I listened to two podcasts today. The first one was about Living Without Excuses. Some points I took down in my mind:

• Don't give yourself excuses to quit believing and pursuing your dream
• Your disadvantages are advantages that God's waiting to turn around
• God can turn around your liabilities into Assets

Joel Osteen moved on giving examples of people who had handicaps but still lived a fulfilling life. Some of these people I saw in Positive Split's blog yesterday. The stories of Sarah Reinertsen and Julie Moss were what got to me. Not only because they were women but I suppose they echoed two sides of me. Reinerstein's spunky tough chic personality and Moss' dramatic memorable finish.

I've never really quite experienced what it's like to have a physical handicap or never got far into physical activity to know what it's like for your body to be stretched to the limits. But I suppose I can relate to how it feels when it comes to the inner side of life. The emotional stretching and the spiritual battle. The challenges or hurdles manifested from different directions. Inside - Outside. But then are overcome just the same way.

The second podcast I listened to was pretty much related to the first. Joel Osteen talked about Choosing Which Battles to Fight. Points I pondered:

• You don't have to straighten everybody up
• Not everybody will always like you
• If you stay in God's direction, he will surround you with people who will celebrate who you are

I suppose it hit me right on the spot because I am a person who is easily offended. Layers of wounds lie beneath the exteriors I put up to face life. Efforts that go unnoticed. Ideas that are brushed aside. All those incidents tarnish the drive to keep me encouraged. Living a lifetime of negativity can get to you. But wanting to turn it around is a different story.

I want to turn it around and write a different story.

By the time the two podcasts ended, I've completed my 4th round the 4 blocks worth of road I've chosen for my morning route. It was time to walk up the steep pavement going home. I wasn't as breathless as I expected but my calves were starting to hurt. Yet, the southern banter of Joel's twang was too happy that I kept walking, trying to keep my chin parallel to the ground.

Walking with Joel Osteen

Image by Tonyç via Flickr

I've finally gotten my mindset right about exercise. I always told myself that as soon as I get a hang of managing my spiritual health, the next thing would be my body. So yes, it's finally here, after 31 years. The awareness that I need to take care of my physical health too. :)

I guess this realization came because I recently learned about my grandmother's amputation. Gangrene spread from her feet to her legs because of poor blood circulation. Diabetes complicated the healing process.

I realized that I didn't want to grow old that way and experience a lot of these complications. So I got out of bed today and dressed up. Put my earphones on and started with Priscilla Ahn's Dream. I like walking in the morning to good music and good weather. It sort of cleanses all the discomfort from my body and it becomes easier to shrug off the restlessness that clings all over me. The heat was just right and there was a bit of cool leftover from the dawn.

I decided to listen to a podcast so that I will be more focused and not just aimlessly walk around street corners without a purpose. Listening to encouraging podcasts help. I was even tearing somewhere in between because Joel Osteen was talking about keeping dreams alive.

It doesn't matter how long it takes to chase your dream, just keep at it because keeping at it keeps you productive and that keeps you living with purpose and with purpose you get passion. It doesn't matter if you have a dream that died, dream another dream. It doesn't matter if you can no longer do what you used to do, just do what you CAN do.

There are a lot of things that I can no longer do. And walking for long periods of time is one of them. But surprisingly, I brisked walked for 45 minutes non-stop with Joel Osteen's Southern Twang playing in my ear. I'm not sure how far I was able to go, all I know is that I finished the podcast and went up a steep road without hating how my muscles started to ache after.

Exercise and I never mixed but I suppose finding a creative way to do something that suits me better will get me up an running for it. It's a small win. 45 minutes. But it's got a big dream in the making attached to it.

_______________

Benefits of walking

Walking for fitness can help you achieve a number of important health benefits. For example, you can:

• Reduce your risk of a heart attack. Walking keeps your heart healthy by lowering low-density lipoprotein (LDL) cholesterol (the "bad" cholesterol) and raising high-density lipoprotein (HDL) cholesterol (the "good" cholesterol). A regular walking program also reduces your risk of developing high blood pressure, a factor that also contributes to heart disease.
• Manage your blood pressure. If you already have high blood pressure, walking may reduce it.
• Reduce your risk of developing type 2 diabetes. Regular exercise reduces your risk of developing type 2 diabetes. If you're a woman, overweight and at a high risk of diabetes, walking can improve your body's ability to process sugar (glucose tolerance).
• Manage your diabetes. If you already have type 2 diabetes, taking part in a regular walking program can improve your body's ability to process sugar, lower your blood sugar, reduce your risk of heart disease and help you live longer.
• Manage your weight. Walking burns calories, which can help you manage your weight. For example, middle-aged women who walk more than 10,000 steps a day have lower levels of body fat than do women who are less active.
• Manage stress and boost your spirits. Going for a brisk walk is a great way to reduce stress. Regular walking also can reduce feelings of depression and anxiety.
• Stay strong and active. As you get older, walking for physical fitness can prevent falls, help you stay mobile and maintain your independence.
  
  

Prepare yourself before you go walking

Take time to prepare yourself to prevent injuries, such as blisters on your feet or muscle pain.

Wear walking shoes and comfortable, protective clothing
Before you set out, be sure to select comfortable footwear. Also dress in loosefitting, comfortable clothing and in layers if you need to adjust to changing temperature. If you walk outside, choose clothes appropriate for the weather. Avoid rubberized materials, as they don't allow perspiration to evaporate. Wear bright colors or reflective tape after dark so that motorists can see you.

Warm up
Spend about five minutes walking slowly to warm up your muscles. You can walk in place if you want. Increase your pace until you feel warm. Warming up your muscles reduces your risk of injury.

Stretch
After warming up, stretch your muscles for about five minutes before walking. Include the calf stretch, quadriceps stretch, hamstring stretch, lower back flexion stretch and chest stretch.

Getting started: Design a program that works for you

To help ensure your success:

Start slow and easy
If you're a seasoned walker, keep doing what you're doing. If you've been inactive and tire easily, it's best to start slow and easy. At first, walk only as far as or as fast as you find comfortable. If you can walk for only a few minutes, let that be your starting point. For example, you might try short daily sessions of three to five minutes and slowly build up to 15 minutes twice a week. Then, over several weeks' time, you can gradually work your way up to 30 minutes of walking five days each week.

Use proper technique to avoid injury and setbacks
Walking is a great exercise because it's so simple to do. But if your posture is poor or your movements exaggerated, you increase your risk of injury.

Measure the intensity of your workout
As you walk, measure the intensity. Knowing your level allows you to increase the intensity to maximize your workout or slow down to avoid overdoing it. You have these options:

• Talk test. If you're so out of breath that you can't carry on a conversation with the person you're walking with, you're probably walking too fast and should slow down.
• Borg scale. This method is a self-assessment of your perceived exertion. You rate how hard you think you're working on a scale that ranges from 6 (no exertion) to 20 (maximal effort). Aim for at least moderate intensity (12 to 14) as you walk.
• Monitor your heart rate (pulse). To find out if you're exercising within the range of your target heart rate, stop exercising to check your pulse manually at your wrist (radial artery) or neck (carotid artery). Another option is to wear an electronic device that displays your heart rate.

Keep track of your progress
Keeping a record of how many steps you take, the distance you walk and how long it takes can help you see where you started from and serve as a source of inspiration. Just think how good you'll feel when you see how many miles you've walked each week, month or year.

Record these numbers in a walking journal you create for yourself or log them in a spreadsheet on your computer. Another option is to use an electronic device to calculate time and distance for you. Options include:

• Pedometers. These devices, which you usually attach to your belt or waistband, detect body motion and count your footsteps, displaying the number of steps on a small screen.

  Although many pedometers have extra features, such as displaying calories burned and the distance walked or run, you may want to begin by using its primary feature - counting steps.

• High-tech devices. Devices that use GPS satellite technology cost more than pedometers do, but they can track the total and current distance you walk, and even calculate your speed or pace. You may have to program these devices. Some allow you to download stored data to your computer as a way of keeping track of your progress. You wear these high-tech devices on your wrist or attached to your waistband, shoe or arm.

Cool down after each walking session
To reduce stress on your heart and muscles, end each walking session by walking slowly for about five minutes. Then, repeat your stretches.

- article from Revolution Health.com

The SkyAngel Cowbow Reaches Manila

It's another cloudy Friday but all warmed up by this video I found in Adi's Tumblr. It's a video of a child named Logan who calls up SkyAngel Radio to share something about his cow having to be put down because of a broken back.



I'm moved because of how young he is and how untainted his view about God is. He sure is not a theologian but he knows the truth about God so well.

Be Blessed!

Tumbling in Tumblr

I am currently captivated by the little internet nook called Tumblr. I was reading through some pages and found a news article on David Karp. I found him such a genius for having been able to create a site like Tumblr. Anyway on to why I like Tumblr.

I like it because it's neat. It's organized. It's not complicated to use. It actually feels like Multiply because it allows you to click buttons according to what you want to post. Whether it be text, photos, audio, video. I like the quotes feature because I haven't encountered that in any of the sites I have joined online. It also feels like Facebook and Twitter because you can just post short snippets of your day. Even if the interface is designed with an actual textbox as opposed to Facebook and Twitter's one liner space, there is that feeling of finiteness which makes you post things in a concise manner.

I stumbled on an article in Wikepedia that defines this activity we call blogging.

A blog (a contraction of the term "Web log") is a Web site, usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. Entries are commonly displayed in reverse-chronological order. "Blog" can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog.

Many blogs provide commentary or news on a particular subject; others function as more personal online diaries. A typical blog combines text, images, and links to other blogs, Web pages, and other media related to its topic. The ability for readers to leave comments in an interactive format is an important part of many blogs. Most blogs are primarily textual, although some focus on art (artlog), photographs (photoblog), sketches (sketchblog), videos (vlog), music (MP3 blog), audio (podcasting), which are part of a wider network of social media. Micro-blogging is another type of blogging, one which consists of blogs with very short posts. As of December 2007, blog search engine Technorati was tracking more than 112 million blogs.^[1] With the advent of video blogging, the word blog has taken on an even looser meaning — that of any bit of media wherein the subject expresses his opinion or simply talks about something.

I've started blogging as early as 2004. I remember starting up in Oprah's discussion boards and Online Gratitude Journal. Then I moved on to Xanga.com because it was the first blogging site that allowed for an easy way to connect with other people. Then I moved to Multiply and Blogger and Facebook. I also tried Live Journal and Wordpress.

Each Blog hosting site has a different feel to it. Different personalities. From my experience Xanga gave me a taste of intimate online relationships. Most of my online blog friends come from Xanga. Multiply on the other hand gave me a taste of connecting with my physical circle of friends in a more meaningful way. The private life becomes a little bit more exposed as Multiply allowed a sharing of a variety of mediums to express how your life is going for a day. Blogger feels more like a professional blog where entries have to be quite thorough and targetted to a particular audience of topic. I quit Live Journal and Wordpress because I had a difficult time navigating through them.

In all my years of blogging I find myself to be moving around a lot. Never really staying in one place too long. It's almost as if the chapters of my life move internet addresses according to how it feels or what phase I am in. Private experiences are logged in Xanga. Experiences I am willing to share with the public are logged on to Blogger or Multiply.

I've decided now to focus only a few sites to concentrate on full blogging activity. Aside from simple information sharing, it becomes an activity of reflection and a writing exercise. I've veered away from full length blogging on social networking sites because I didn't want to limit myself to the network that I knew. There is a kind of freedom in anonymity and it becomes more interesting for me to keep writing when I don't know who is reading.

In that way, writing is not only an act of reflection but also a discovery.

However, the fluctuating spurts of creativity has bogged me down quite so that the pressure to keep the words flowing gracefully actually ended up paralyzing the stream of consciousness that digs the words out of my head. That's when I started looking for an alternative.

Micro-blogging became an option. I started finding the value of micro-blogging when I resurrected my Facebook pages. But again, I wanted something that veered away from social networking especially when it was concentrated only on a particular circle. Twitter found its way on my list and finally Tumblr.

I have to thank January Warrior for sharing it with me.

So Tumblr.com is a little corner in the infinite space of the Web that draws out spurts of meaning from someone who needs mental de-cluttering. The easy to navigate pages and the creative interface archive gives me a feel of smallness, intimacy and meaning. Tumblr.com is quiet because discussions are kept to a bare minimum. There seems to be an atmosphere of respect and even friendly reverence for the freedom of expression.

Another Wikepedia article defines tumbling as such:

A tumblelog (also known as a tlog or tumblog) is a variation of a blog that favors short-form, mixed-media posts over the longer editorial posts frequently associated with blogging. Common post formats found on tumblelogs include links, photos, quotes, dialogues, and video. Unlike blogs, tumblelogs are frequently used to share the author's creations, discoveries, or experiences while providing little or no commentary.

A tumblelog is a quick and dirty stream of consciousness, a bit like a remaindered links style linklog but with more than just links.

So when the clutter stack becomes too overwhelming for spring cleaning and de-blogging, I'm off to the Tumblr hideaway.

The Flight of Leaves

This morning I had a chance to witness an artpiece in the making. Adi Mari finished her piece on birds and finally showed it to me all the way from London.

Art has always been something captivating for me because it allows me to be drawn inside and outside of myself. The focus of art becomes holistic instead of capturing just one aspect about life. Art makes life three dimensional because it forces you to look at reason (the purpose of pursuing the craft) and passion (the desire to pursue the craft). Art becomes the fruit of a journey's essence manifested in tactile form.

This is why I associate art so much with the journey of faith because it takes a lot of faith to keep up with an artistic journey and it takes a lot of artistic appreciation for life to keep up with the challenges of faith.

I have only started to really establish my journey on looking at how parallel faith and art can be. And today this journey is seen in the artpiece that my friend Adi Mari has made.

I'd call this piece The Flight of Leaves. She has used a variety of media to execute the concept of this artwork. It was quite a painstaking process of gluing in real leaves together to cover cardboard patterns of shapes forming a clutter of leaves at the base. I can imagine the gentle gesture of tracing a curve shaped stencil to draw the birds and capture the wings in flight.

She was talking to me about her fascination for birds ever since she moved to London and I surmise that it is because of how her life has always been. Filled with periods of traveling moving from one country to the next to settle into new homes and leave old ones. It's a melancholy journey of one who's barely anchored to maturity. But it is also quite a courageous journey for someone as young as her because it brings her closer to live a life reliant on faith.

I am caught by the flight of the birds which seems to be moving towards me. I can feel the wind from underneath sweeping the leaves up to the air as the wings swoop down to dip and soar up again. I am enchanted by the colored leaves and Adi Mari's hands that fashioned them intricately. The lines of the work are all moving. Much like Adi Mari's spirit. Moving to find the peacefulness of home in changing skies and the shifting of clouds.

It is true. That art is indeed a self-portrait and this piece can perhaps be her signature work because it literally expresses the story in her soul. One of hope despite the constancy of change and the hurried pace towards acceptance. One of faith despite the hurdles that needs to be crossed amidst the change hues and tones the color her life. One of authenticity despite the realities that challenge the meaning of her truth.

the Flight of Leaves

The Cubao X Discovery

The very much awaited trip to Cubao X finally happened last Saturday. I left Alabang around 9am to be sure that I will not tangle myself with a lot of road stress along EDSA. I didn't really know if the area would be open that early but I also took it as an opportunity to explore Cubao again after not having been there in the longest time.

Cubao has a lot of childhood memories for me. Malls like Robinsons Galleria or SM MegaMall weren't open yet when I lived in Pasig. My parents would take me and my sister to Ali Mall during weekends and our favorite fastfood was McDonald's. I remember being so eager to get the newest Happy Meal Toy from pencil cases to lunch boxes and anything that had Ronald McDonald on it.

Things didn't change that much. It was still quite traffic in P. Tuazon street. The presence of Gateway Mall and Shopwise were new and I sort of missed the old Fiesta Carnival that stood in the middle of the shopping arena.

I finally found Cubao X and was happy that there was a parking lot almost right next to it. The old ruins of the Marikina Shoe Expo were very much still standing. Suddenly, I recognized the place from a distant memory. I remember buying old school shoes there because they were cheaper than those sold in the mall.

The day was cloudy and the breeze was a little cold. It was perfect for walking around the city. As expected, Cubao X was empty except for a few shops that were open early. I didn't get the names of all of the shops but I was especially drawn to the antique shop that was located at the center of the corner. Filled with luscious green plants from the terrace, I was immediately lured inside to peek at the wonderful treasures that other people left behind. I was quite thrilled to see a lot of books and old trinkets. I was looking forward to see Remy's Thrift Shop but unfortunately it wasn't open yet when I got there. So I walked around Cubao for the meantime and found myself sitting down on the sidewalk outside the Ali Mall entrance to just take everything in.

I went back after lunch and was happy to see most of the shops open. I was able to purchase great finds. A bag of clothes purchased in the "ukay-kay" place: 5 pieces of clothing (2 dressy tank tops, a bolero, a blouse and a long gypsy skirt) all for 500 pesos. A bag of second hand books: Flights of Love by Bernard Schlink, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho and The Waves by Virginia Woolf all for 450 pesos. And lastly, my most interesting find for the day: a porcelain doll that was packaged in a vintage travel box (if there was a vintage version of kaboodles that would by my closest description) for 480 pesos.

There's one simple thing I realized in this short trip. Discoveries happen because you make an active choice to seek and not just wait stagnantly for an opportune time. I realized how much of my living in Manila has been so unexplored and have silently made a resolution to change my mindset about willingly exploring places that resonate with my own inner journey of authenticity.  In so doing, I am awakened to the truth of who I am.  A Filipino Woman. Rediscovering the joy of finding out what it means to realize how good it is to find home. Revived with renewed passion for the Filipino Nation.

On Google Analytics

I recently signed up for Google Analytics because I wanted to try and see the hit rates coming into my blog. I am just simply amazed at how technology can capture information that once was impossible to acquire.

Here's a map of London. Captured by Google Analytics on where my visitors come from.


The report highlights in darker orange hues that the cities are Kensington and Wallington. I'm assuming this is you Slick. :-P

Just one of those little pieces of information that amaze me daily.

I Need Words

i need words to wrap around me
like a veil of flowers blooming
like a ray of light piercing
through a cozy empty room
like the softness of a couch
with cushions overflowing
from the upholstery and the pillows
where my dreams can softly croon.

i need words to wrap around me
like a journey that's been waiting
to be traveled without stopping
without fearing the tremor
of something new.

i need words to carve out the hidden story
that's been waiting to be told
over coffee, over wine, over food
like shoelaces i want to tie
on worn out sneakers that's been dried
i need some words to break the silence
in this pregnant dreaming life.

Following Your Personal Legend

This is one confirmation for me today that I'm heading the right direction. :) Most of the time what hinders me in believing in my dreams is my lack of hope. Recently I realized how powerful the virtue of hope is. Hope is the substance of faith. One who hopes, lives differently.

What are you hoping for?

__________

When Joseph Campbell, today’s most famous scholar of mythology (and author of the excellent “The Power of Myth”) created the expression “follow your blessing,” he was reflecting an idea that seems to be very appropriate right now. In “The Alchemist,” this same idea is called “Personal Legend.”

Alan Cohen, a therapist who lives in Hawaii, is also working on this theme. He says that in his lectures he asks those who are dissatisfied with their work and seventy-five percent of the audience raise their hands. Cohen has created a system of twelve steps to help people to rediscover their “blessing” (he is a follower of Campbell):

1] Tell yourself the truth: draw two columns on a sheet of paper and in the left column write down what you would love to do. Then write down on the other side everything you’re doing without any enthusiasm. Write as if nobody were ever going to read what is there, don’t censure or judge your answers.

2] Start slowly, but start: call your travel agent, look for something that fits your budget; go and see the movie that you’ve been putting off; buy the book that you’ve been wanting to buy. Be generous to yourself and you’ll see that even these small steps will make you feel more alive.

3] Stop slowly, but stop: some things use up all your energy. Do you really need to go that committee meeting? Do you need to help those who do not want to be helped? Does your boss have the right to demand that in addition to your work you have to go to all the same parties that he goes to? When you stop doing what you’re not interested in doing, you’ll realize that you were making more demands of yourself than others were really asking.

4] Discover your small talents: what do your friends tell you that you do well? What do you do with relish, even if it’s not perfectly well done? These small talents are hidden messages of your large talents.

5] Begin to choose: if something gives you pleasure, don’t hesitate. If you’re in doubt, close your eyes, imagine that you’ve made decision A and see all that it will bring you. Now do the same with decision B. The decision that makes you feel more connected to life is the right one - even if it’s not the easiest to make.

6] Don’t base your decisions on financial gain: the gain will come if you really do it with enthusiasm. The same vase, made by a potter who loves what he does and by a man who hates his job, has a soul. It will be quickly sold (in the first case) or will stay on the shelves (in the second case).

7] Follow your intuition: the most interesting work is the one where you allow yourself to be creative. Einstein said: “I did not reach my understanding of the Universe using just mathematics.” Descartes, the father of logic, developed his method based on a dream he had.

8] Don’t be afraid to change your mind: if you put a decision aside and this bothers you, think again about what you chose. Don’t struggle against what gives you pleasure.

9] Learn how to rest: one day a week without thinking about work lets the subconscious help you, and many problems (but not all) are solved without any help from reason.

10] Let things show you a happier path: if you are struggling too much for something, without any results appearing, be more flexible and follow the paths that life offers. This does not mean giving up the struggle, growing lazy or leaving things in the hands of others - it means understanding that work with love brings us strength, never despair.

11] Read the signs: this is an individual language joined to intuition that appears at the right moments. Even if the signs point in the opposite direction from what you planned, follow them. Sometimes you can go wrong, but this is the best way to learn this new language.

12] Finally, take risks! the men who have changed the world set out on their paths through an act of faith. Believe in the force of your dreams. God is fair, He wouldn’t put in your heart a desire that couldn’t come true.

- Paulo Coelho Blogpost November 12, 2008

The Little Corner Home

It was 5 years ago when I tried to tell stories through images..

Over time that part of me has been quietly stashed away because of duties, obligations, survival. for the past 5 months, i've been attempting to unearth it again. and this is one of those attempts that marks the milestone of taking the time to perceive life through different eyes.

_________

Cooped up in this little office space for almost a year. I can't imagine how I've managed to work without being empowered to have a decent table. my desk serves as the end of a long table that's build for one person. my belongings are squeezed into a space just enough for all. i've been expected to build businesses and grow leaders from this little corner. but no matter how tight and cramped it's been, the cozy comfort of art and the little light of grace has made this space a home.

The Fifth Mountain: Will God Disappear From Words?

"Will God disappear from words?" the woman asked.

"He will continue in them" Elijah replied. "But each person will be responsible before Him for whatever he writes."

She took fromt he sleeve of her garment a clay tablet with something written on it.

"What does this mean?" Elijah asked.
"It's the word love."

Elijah took the tablet in his hands, not daring to ask why she had given it to him. On that piece of clay, a few scratches summed up why the stars continued in the heavens and why men walked the earth.

He tried to return it to her, but she refused.

"I wrote it for you. I know your responsibility, I know that one day you will have to leave, and that you will become enemy of my country because you wish to do away with Jezebel. On that day, it may come to pass that I shall be at your side, supporting you in your task. Or it may come to pass that I fight against you, for Jezebel's blood is the blood of my country; this word that you hold in your hands is filled with mystery. No one can know what it awakens in a woman's heart, not even prophets who speak with God."

"I know the word that you have written," said Elijah, storing the tablet in a fold of his cape. "I have struggled day and night against it, for, although I do not know what it awakens in a woman's heart, I know what it can do to a man. I have the courage to face the king of Israel, the princess of Sidon, the Council of Akbar, but that one word--love--inspires deep terror in me. Before you drew it on the tablet, your eyes had already seen it written in my heart.

They fell silent. Despite the Assyrian's death, the climate of tension in the city, the call from the Lord that could occur at any moment--none of this was as powerful as the word she had written.

Elijah held out his hand, and she took it. They remained thus until the sun hid itself behind the Fifth Mountain.

"Thank you," she said as they returned. "For a long time I had desired to spend the hours of sunset with you."

- Paulo Coelho, the Fifth Mountain
____________


I love this part because it's such poignant moment. The struggle of love to manifest in such a conflicted situation is the most courageous struggle of two people who wish to walk free in it. I suppose that when the real kind of love graces you with it's presence, there is no other way to go except to be propelled forward into a deep, profound and mysterious journey.

Cubao X Discovery

I have been aching to go to Cubao X for the longest time. But a Manila Southerner like me finds it pretty impossible to squeeze in the time to drive all the way. The ache to breathe in a new place where art lives is so strong that I am really decided to visit the area this weekend. Even if I'm not the most patient driver in the world. I want to especially visit this shop that I read about in ProjectManila.com because there is something about the intricately arranged vintage collection of all sorts of things that sparks up stories in my mind. I want to touch them and look at them up close and wonder about the people who owned them. What they were like. What they constantly thought about. Why they had to give these things away.

I'm thinking that maybe this is why I experienced that little mishap of leaving my phone at home today. To drive all the way there after just being in the office for less than 30 minutes would normally be a frustrating decision but something inside me didn't go all too frantic. The sky was cloudy with a pale tinge of orange. The expanse of Skyway was empty and it was indeed a peaceful drive.

The more the hunger grows for art to arise. The more the authentic self longs to be released. Released through resonating with old things that tells old stories. Released through resonating with photographs painted with light and thought showing a far greater universe than what we can see.

My Little Red Phone

I left my phone in the house this morning. I realized I left it when I was already on the highway. I've never really left my phone before and I never knew how crippled it felt like to not have your phone with you. Though I tried my best to dismiss the thought from my mind, I couldn't. I suppose I never realized how attached I have been to my cellphone since today. Especially this little red one that hangs around my neck like (as Adi would call it) a "message-in-a-bottlependant".

The way text reads on the little screen all lighted up especially if it comes from certain people can really become an endearing little thing.

So yes, I was quite desperate to have the little munchkin beside me so I drove all the way back home to get it. :) Now I'm at peace.

In Need of Creative Resuscitation

I've been thinking that I want to be more focused about my move towards growing in the writing craft. So I've been trying to search for creative prompts that can initiate my journey to writing more creatively. I think the problem is that I haven't really been sifting my mind so much that's why everything simply gets stuck. I also have not been reading a lot and my momentum in digesting words has gone to slow. My literary sense has faded.

But I am optimistic. I've been seeing a lot of people venturing towards their dreams lately and the first thing they did was to aim high and then follow a process. For athletes, it's a training schedule. For artists (or writers like me), it's a creative routine. Most of the things I've read say that the most important tip is:

To read a lot.

Last week, I managed to finish reading a book in one day. I used to devour two books in one day when I was in college but that ability has been stunted ever since I attended business school where my taste for literature has gone bland. Filled up with stacks of case studies and business reports has numbed my creative writing mind and it desperately needs some resuscitation.

The next important tip is:

To write a lot.

They say that it doesn't matter what you write, just write. Some say that it's important to plan what you want to write and others say just write and then edit later. I don't know which advise is better but I find myself unable to "just write" right now. I suppose the cluttered thoughts have a lot to do with the bottleneck.

The third important tip is:

Find people who believes with you.

I suppose the birth of any dream is fueled by the strong desire and belief of the dreamer and those who stand by the dreamer. It makes a lot of impact when your environment allows you to test all sorts of possibilities without restraining your creative potential and the limiting the journey of creative exploration. Those who find it difficult to begin taking the first step towards their dream, I find, are those people who have never been exposed to an encouraging environment.

Negativity is easy to come by especially in a world that wreaks with turmoil, crisis, poverty, unemployment, heartache, death (this is just to name a few of those anxieties we constantly run through our heads on a daily basis). For some reason it has become human nature to find it easier to point out a mistake, a wrong deed, a wrong action than to point out a good deed, best effort, a trial overcome, a change made. It feels like an itch. Or worse, a pimple aching to be popped. You just can't stand it. You have to scratch it. You have to pop it.

Where do we get that urge? I can't speak for everybody but I suppose for myself, it's because I am unable to empathize nor see beyond the inner struggle of one who goes an experience or simply said, I don't believe the inherent goodness in a person. But that was past. As I move towards authenticity, I am growing to realize that I too limit myself if I limit others.

The poison to any possibility is a negative word. Somewhere in Proverbs it says, "Death and life is the power of the tongue." It is easy to stick this on a car bumper or to post it on your office wall or make it a desktop screensaver. But it is very hard to live out. It becomes hard to live out because we are more quick to call others' attention than ours.

A chat with a friend recently reminded me of this bible saying that goes, "One who has been forgiven much, loves much." How can you love much if you don't know how much you've been forgiven? How will you know how much you have been forgiven if you think you don't NEED to be forgiven? :-)

I think I've strayed far from my point of enumerating the important steps of embarking on the creative writing craft but I think it is important that before any journey begins, the heart, the mind and the soul is set in the right place. For you will not know what kind of challenges you will face but if you got your insides intact, your inner mettle will let you rise above anything that tries to run by you.

So here I am trying to move with the flow again and believing that even if there are seasons in where my creativity runs dry, there are definitely seasons where the spring will come again.

The Red Boots Journey

the red boots journey

This picture got 13 views and 7 comments in Flickr. My highest rating to date since I resurrected my Flickr back up about 2 weeks ago. That Flickr account has been there for 5 years or so but I never really ended up using it because of rising social networks like Multiply and Facebook. Somehow, I've forgotten what it felt like to be anonymous to the internet public. Somehow, I've forgotten what it's like to appreciate the work of a stranger and to look forward to exciting discoveries from random people. Somehow, I've also forgotten how affirming it felt like to get feedback from people I don't know.

This photo was taken in ParadiZoo Cavite. It's an hour and a half drive from Alabang. More pictures that I've taken are in my Flickr Album. But I am specifically fond of this picture because of how it was a moment that was just there, waiting to be captured.

I like the whitewashed paint on the steps. These are steps to a small house located in the Zoo. The boots where just there as if somebody left them. I like how the boots stand out against the whitewash paint. It's a charming sight and it reminds me of cozy walks on a quiet afternoon.

What Is Offset Printing?

I have never come across this term till now and it's funny because this production process is actually something that I partake on a daily basis. So why am I asking what off-set printing is? I'm asking because it is what the business of my new career journey will be. :)

And reading through this short introduction on off-set printing I realize that I am in the right path. Aligned to all my dreams. How funny that just yesterday I thought everything seemed hopeless but as the inspiring Pastor Prince says, "Hold fast to hope in the most impossible circumstances". And I did. And here I am. A step nearer. A heartbeat closer. Riding on a new wave of hope. :)

_________________

The next time you read a newspaper, browse through a magazine or even glance at brochures in the mail spare a thought and think about what it takes to print and publish such vast amounts of information and graphics. Offset printing is responsible for almost 40% of all printed material that you see around you.

It would be difficult to create a complete list of the applications of offset printing. If something needs to be printed, offset printing can do it. Here are some examples of the applications of offset printing to get you thinking on the entire scope of offset printing.

• Newspapers are probably the most visible example of offset printing that is a part of everyone’s life. Every morning you are greeted with an application of offset printing. It is to the credit of the speed of offset printing that such high volumes can be generated every single day.
• Books are another application of offset printing without which life would simply not be the same. Whether for education or entertainment, books are the life source of many a people and they have offset printing to thank for making books affordable.
• The law too has to thank offset printing for making the legal process more streamlined. Large volumes of legal forms and documents are printed using offset printing.
• Businessmen would be lost without offset printing. Important financial data is at their fingertips thanks to offset printing.
• The marketing and advertising industry would regress by centuries if it weren’t for offset printing. The entire direct marketing industry would perish. Offset printing is used for printing flyers, brochures, PR material and a host of other marketing applications.

Thus, offset printing affects every aspect of our lives – social, economical, educational, professional, legal and even our relationships! Hallmark just wouldn’t have the same effect without offset printing now would it?

Prisoners of Conscience

A prisoners of conscience as defined by Wikepedia is:

Any person who is physically restrained (by imprisonment or otherwise) from expressing (in any form of words or symbols) any opinion which he honestly holds and which does not advocate or condone personal violence.

Expression can refer to race, color, language, sexual orientation, belief, or lifestyle. It can refer to those who have been imprisoned or persecuted because of their non-violent expression of their conscientiously held beliefs.

The term prisoners of conscience resonates intensely with me today. It resonates because I have long felt physical restraint from any form of expression. In my culture, independence of thinking is an act that cuts across the grain. I suppose it's a global norm. But in my present situation, standing up for what you believe in is dishonoring the prime authority figures of your life. You parents.

Just recently, I have expressed wanting to leave the place I work to allow my spiritual beliefs to become alive. I was believing God for something and somehow I was led to an answer and I wanted to see that answer through but a bunch of worries listed by my father cut any determination to hope that what God tells me is true. Just recently, my father calls my attention because of how my young friends are attached to me. He says that friends should not be that kind of burden to one another.

But who am I to say what is right? When for most of my life, I have been wrong? Or so I have been told.

In a way, the term prisoner of conscience, is something I call myself today. Held from living out my truth because my kindred has been held out from living theirs.

At the end of the day, circumstances are just aftershocks of the real happening. But until we are able to see the real struggle, we will never find real compassion to sit with those aching to breathe with their dreams.

Your Armor by Charlotte Martin

I saw this video in a friend's Facebook and loved it immediately. The piano riffs and the soothing voice reminded me of the days where I used to spend on my own piano.

Paulo Coelho in Filipino

A chat with Katchig Mouradin yesterday taught me to find my treasure in my own backyard. It is true. Most Filipinos seldom find value in their own country. The glitter of far away lands is too gravitational a pull that we find ourselves scattered all over the place without any true anchor to a home. To an identity.

Thus the ever pervading struggle of the Filipino to remain authentic. But authentic to what nature? The answer escapes me because sadly even I cannot truly say what nature is this. However, there is no struggle born without a good fight. And I suppose that is what I know of each and every Filipino that's walked their lives parallel to the nation's history. The fact that every Filipino is born with a warrior's heart.

So here's my little attempt to do some weeding in my own little garden. Learning to love the tongue of my motherland as it helps me understand deeper the truths conveyed by an author who knows the authentic nature of his soul and moves to arouse authenticity in others.

__________

A true warrior of light knows that every garden has its own mysteries, which only the patient hand of the gardener can unravel. (Paulo Coelho's Quote for October 30)

Ang totoong Mandirigma ng Liwanag alam na ang mga hardin ay may kanya-kanyang misterio na ang masipag at pasensyong hardinero lang ang nakaka-intindi.

_____

So it seems that we are living in a culture of fear.

Before it was the terrorist attacks and now we see this economic crisis that engulfs the whole world.

My point is that we understand less and less what is happening. Personally, the more I read about this crisis the more I get lost.

Not only that: I’m reading about Pakistan, Afghanistan, Irak and the Middle East and it seems that people are losing control. When this happens we see the rise of a culture of fear. And this is what I want you to share: do you feel we are living a moment where fear is being used against us?

Don’t you have the feeling that besides our personal fear, there’s an atmosphere of doubt that is imposing this world of crisis to us? (Paulo Coelho on the Culture of Fear)

Namumuhay tayo sa isang kultura ng pangangamba.

Dati puro mga attack ng terrorista ngayon naman nakikita natin ang crisis sa economy ng buong mundo.

Ang punto ko ay paunti ng paunti ang naiintindihan natin sa mga nangyayari. Sa totoo lang para sa kin, habang parami ng parami ang nababasa ko, mas lalo akong nalilito.

Hindi lang yun: nagbabasa ako tungkol sa Pakistan, Afghanistan, Irak at ang Middle East at mukhang nawawalan ng control ang mga tao. Pag-nangyayari ito lalong gumagrabe ang pangangamba. Pero ito ang gusto ko malaman sa inyo: sa tingin niyo ba na namumuhay tayo sa panahon na kung saan ang ating pangangaba ay ginagagamit para mas-takutin pa tayo?

Hindi niyo ba napapansin bukod sa ating sariling pangangamba, merong pakiramdam ng pagka-alinlangan na syang naglalapat nitong crisis sa atin?

_____

LiYAB PILIPINAS: A New Renaissance

How many of us Pinoys often sit around waiting from dawn till dusk the flourishing of the Filipino dream? What is the Filipino dream anyway? So much has been said about the American Dream where the promise is of a land that prospers your life. But what has been said about the Filipino dream? For me, the Filipino dream is that of becoming authentic to the nature that we have been born with. For more than 300 years the Philippine Culture has been influenced by so many nations. I have often wondered about a simple question. So who is a Filipino?? Stripped off all its influences what makes up a Real True Blue Pinoy?

photo by Adrienne Santos
model: Javi Cabanes
location: Vista Mar Cebu City

I've been reading a lot of magazines these days and have been running into people who mostly represent something quite extraordinary happening in the Philippine Society today. There seems to be a New Renaissance flourishing from the quiet coffee tables of Starbucks to the corners of FullyBooked Boni High to the bright lights of Mag-Net to the cozy hippie scene of Cubao X. There seems to be an uproar coming from the once silenced voice of Filipino writers, artists, photographers in magazines like I-MAG, ROAM Philippines, indie musicians performing in 19East or Saguijo.

I am not a well informed individual. But for someone who has been "out of the scene" as long as I have, the gravitation of this phenomenon to lift up the hidden talents ingrained in our culture and collective make-up is tugging at my heart strings. I see entrepreneurial and creative endeavors from Multiply to Facebook to Blogspot. I see an overwhelming desire for dreams and to see dreams come true for fellowmen alike in careers, vocations, foundations you name it.

There is a huge hunger that refuses to be satiated now with just mere pop culture. There is an unquenchable desire for meaning. There is a passionate desire to burn bright and light up dreams that have been asleep.

LIYAB PILINAS, the heartwrenching cry of The Outlook Pointe Foundation reverberates inside many of us seekers who have stood long at the sidelines just watching, observing and absorbing the changing faces of our country's people. Wondering if we will ever produce something phenomenal that can change this part of the world. LIYAB PILIPINAS is a cry of those who know that hope is just a step away and that a hurdle is not too high to jump over or a mountain too big that it can't be moved.

LIYAB PILIPINAS is the call of every born and bred Filipino who sees the soul of the nation with eyes of possibility. It is seeing a diamond in the rough shaping up to glitter through dust. It is seeing a sleeping giant awaken. It is seeing every heart that knows how to fight and struggle and love with the fierceness of a tribal warrior and the grace of a Maria Clara.

LIYAB PILIPINAS is a choice to overcome and believe and create with all you have and make it your life.

Ikaw, ano ang LIYAB PILIPINAS mo?

click image to view full size

On Feelings

i have always been wary about feeling now

but i've always been attached to it somehow
always wondering if i can escape it
or if it will eternally imprison me

but over time i have learned to sit with
discomfort
uneasiness
tension
and a whole lot of
struggle

because i believe that with every
impulse a layer is peeled
a wound is healed
and feelings will be
okay to breathe
again.

Notes to Myself

By making a note of something that strikes you, you separate it from the incessant stream of impressions that crowd across the mental eye, and perhaps fix it in your memory. All of us have had good ideas or vivid sensations that we thought would one day come in useful, but which, because we were too lazy to write them down, have entirely escaped us. When you know you are going to make a note of something, you look at it more attentively than you otherwise would, and in the process of doing so the words are borne in upon you that will give it its private place in reality. ...

~ W. Somerset Maugham on writing

A Different Eye

I started to take a liking to capturing moments on film when I was college. Back then I used my Dad's Canon. I enjoyed taking black and whites because to me they spoke of truth. The monochrome showed no discrimination for what stood out or what didn't. It just showed what was plainly there. A moment. A face. An object. From there I'd find myself sitting still and watching what I had just immortalized. I'm not expert behind the lenses and I suppose it might as well be just so because in my lack of technique I am able to appreciate and find some meaning in the blurs and the out of focus results of my too enthusiastic seeking heart.

I started to find solace in taking pictures again when I entered business school. The cold hearted days of thorough case studies and discussions numbed my brain to what it used to know as life. The spirit of creativity stunted from flight. This was what led me to again find meaning in the gray concrete walls of the academic business scene Armed only with a Nokia 6600 I started to look at things around me with a different eye. Orange highlighters that strike through 15 page analysis of cases strike through bible verses and a bestselling novel the same. These moments of realization are captured on a 400 by 300 pixel photograph that I usually edit in Adobe Photoshop to add a caption or two describing what I saw in that moment.































These were one of the first few photographs I took. Advancing from a camera phone to a Canon Powershot that took 1 mega pixel of pictures in a 128MB Compact Flash card I got for 10K together with a camera printer that printed wallet sized versions of the the snaps I took. It became almost a daily habit to take pictures like these and share them with family and friends. The habit suddenly became known as subject heading of all my emails I shared these photos through. Picture Poetry as I called it.

These pictures adorn my room printed on photo paper as a gift from my sister on my 27th birthday. They remind me of how I used to see the world from mundane experiences that arouse a spark of hope lying dormant especially in times of intellectual boredom, painful transitions, and fearful uncertainty.

My passion for photography never went to the level of craftmanship as I only lingered in the art to find an additional means to express myself especially when I cannot find the words to capture my thoughts. But later on I convinced my Dad to get a Canon 350DSLR after I graduated from business school so that we can take better photos on our trip to Europe in 2005. Back then dSLRs cost a FORTUNE. I got mine for 49K without a camera bag and only a 1GB Compact Flashcard to boot.

When I saw the big expanse of the world, I saw how many more moments can be captured and the thrill of it all was keeping them for posterity. I munched through moments shutter happy especially during our tour in Europe.



























I thought I reached my height in my journey with photography. The pace of moments died down to a quiet conundrum of introspection. I would occasionally still take pictures of moments, things and people that would move me but the delight in the art faded because it became complicated to journey by myself in a hobby that was experienced by only me.

The past five months have been an archeological dig of sorts that resurrected my inner flame for the artforms that I find myself comfortable in. Music has taken a bit of a back seat these days as I simply explore those that I can carry around and live with in the hustle and bustle of my imbalanced lifestyle. Writing. Reading. Photography. Now become companions in a process that raises up a buried self and calls forth a hibernating passion to see and recreate life filled with beauty and purpose.

It has become a new found joy to recreate again especially with Adi and Javi flying with me. We bought identical Nikon D40s yesterday at Hidalgo (and an additional one for my sister who's a closet art enthusiast) and eagerly captured shots away when we got home in the afternoon. The ease of the D40 matched my impatience for technical detail. The color it produced matched my desire to see the vibrance and life of memories that I want immortalized for good.

So yes, perhaps I am seeing the world with a different eye. One click of the shutter at a time.