Somber Sightings

Somber mood finds me this morning. I had to get out of the hospital room for a bit and walk out to Gloria Jeans. Starbucks was too far away. My chat with Adi this morning left me thinking about so many things. Past. Present. Future. It left me with the very melancholy conclusion that LIFE IS DIFFICULT. What brings comfort is that I do not have to go through it alone.

I went to the hospital early this morning because my mom needed help with my dad. The caregiver we hired to assist us couldn’t come in today because she had to go home to celebrate their barrio's feast. I parked just outside the pay parking area because it was still closed. We parked at the same spot yesterday too. I got drawn to this little girl lying down on a bicycle cart. Her hair was messy and she was covered with ash and dirt. I wonder what kind of life she must have waking up to a morning without a soft bed underneath.

little girl

I ran past some children riding a truck. Their laughter and noise caught my attention while walking back to the hospital. I wondered where they came from and why they rode a truck instead of a bus.

truck kids

It’s raining today. And I welcome it gladly because it soothes me again and resonates with my somber mood. I laid my large cup of Gloria Jeans Caramel Latte by the window to listen to my dad share to me some of the best practices they have at work. He eagerly showed me presentations that he found useful and gave me advise on what to implement in my new job.

gloria jeans

One of the things I thought about during the darkest moments of this experience was how my Dad always gave me advise about work. And how I would miss that when that stops. So here I am trying to make the most out of this second chance. Hopefully filling in the gaps that were created through the years of our relationship.

I noticed an eager exchange between my Dad and I. My mom would jump in once in a while and we had a healthy exchange of ideas like grown ups would. I felt at ease. I felt walls crumbling down. I felt my parents’ respect for me.

Second chances are indeed refreshing. I suppose it really is a blessing to have gone through this and overcome it. I am filled with an even deeper gratitude for the Giver of Life after having experienced my a series of little deaths.