Walking Without Excuses

Today was a struggle to get out of bed. But I wanted to keep to my commitment and sluggishly drag myself out, put on some clothes and walking shoes. The morning air greeted me again this time with a sunnier smile. The sun shines so bright these days. When the clouds don't get in the way it can be bitingly hot. I'm glad that it doesn't bite so much in the morning. I saw the rays peeking orange through the tree leaves and smiled.

I really love mornings.

So I popped in my morning podcast and went for the walk. I listened to two podcasts today. The first one was about Living Without Excuses. Some points I took down in my mind:

• Don't give yourself excuses to quit believing and pursuing your dream
• Your disadvantages are advantages that God's waiting to turn around
• God can turn around your liabilities into Assets

Joel Osteen moved on giving examples of people who had handicaps but still lived a fulfilling life. Some of these people I saw in Positive Split's blog yesterday. The stories of Sarah Reinertsen and Julie Moss were what got to me. Not only because they were women but I suppose they echoed two sides of me. Reinerstein's spunky tough chic personality and Moss' dramatic memorable finish.

I've never really quite experienced what it's like to have a physical handicap or never got far into physical activity to know what it's like for your body to be stretched to the limits. But I suppose I can relate to how it feels when it comes to the inner side of life. The emotional stretching and the spiritual battle. The challenges or hurdles manifested from different directions. Inside - Outside. But then are overcome just the same way.

The second podcast I listened to was pretty much related to the first. Joel Osteen talked about Choosing Which Battles to Fight. Points I pondered:

• You don't have to straighten everybody up
• Not everybody will always like you
• If you stay in God's direction, he will surround you with people who will celebrate who you are

I suppose it hit me right on the spot because I am a person who is easily offended. Layers of wounds lie beneath the exteriors I put up to face life. Efforts that go unnoticed. Ideas that are brushed aside. All those incidents tarnish the drive to keep me encouraged. Living a lifetime of negativity can get to you. But wanting to turn it around is a different story.

I want to turn it around and write a different story.

By the time the two podcasts ended, I've completed my 4th round the 4 blocks worth of road I've chosen for my morning route. It was time to walk up the steep pavement going home. I wasn't as breathless as I expected but my calves were starting to hurt. Yet, the southern banter of Joel's twang was too happy that I kept walking, trying to keep my chin parallel to the ground.

A Different Eye

I started to take a liking to capturing moments on film when I was college. Back then I used my Dad's Canon. I enjoyed taking black and whites because to me they spoke of truth. The monochrome showed no discrimination for what stood out or what didn't. It just showed what was plainly there. A moment. A face. An object. From there I'd find myself sitting still and watching what I had just immortalized. I'm not expert behind the lenses and I suppose it might as well be just so because in my lack of technique I am able to appreciate and find some meaning in the blurs and the out of focus results of my too enthusiastic seeking heart.

I started to find solace in taking pictures again when I entered business school. The cold hearted days of thorough case studies and discussions numbed my brain to what it used to know as life. The spirit of creativity stunted from flight. This was what led me to again find meaning in the gray concrete walls of the academic business scene Armed only with a Nokia 6600 I started to look at things around me with a different eye. Orange highlighters that strike through 15 page analysis of cases strike through bible verses and a bestselling novel the same. These moments of realization are captured on a 400 by 300 pixel photograph that I usually edit in Adobe Photoshop to add a caption or two describing what I saw in that moment.































These were one of the first few photographs I took. Advancing from a camera phone to a Canon Powershot that took 1 mega pixel of pictures in a 128MB Compact Flash card I got for 10K together with a camera printer that printed wallet sized versions of the the snaps I took. It became almost a daily habit to take pictures like these and share them with family and friends. The habit suddenly became known as subject heading of all my emails I shared these photos through. Picture Poetry as I called it.

These pictures adorn my room printed on photo paper as a gift from my sister on my 27th birthday. They remind me of how I used to see the world from mundane experiences that arouse a spark of hope lying dormant especially in times of intellectual boredom, painful transitions, and fearful uncertainty.

My passion for photography never went to the level of craftmanship as I only lingered in the art to find an additional means to express myself especially when I cannot find the words to capture my thoughts. But later on I convinced my Dad to get a Canon 350DSLR after I graduated from business school so that we can take better photos on our trip to Europe in 2005. Back then dSLRs cost a FORTUNE. I got mine for 49K without a camera bag and only a 1GB Compact Flashcard to boot.

When I saw the big expanse of the world, I saw how many more moments can be captured and the thrill of it all was keeping them for posterity. I munched through moments shutter happy especially during our tour in Europe.



























I thought I reached my height in my journey with photography. The pace of moments died down to a quiet conundrum of introspection. I would occasionally still take pictures of moments, things and people that would move me but the delight in the art faded because it became complicated to journey by myself in a hobby that was experienced by only me.

The past five months have been an archeological dig of sorts that resurrected my inner flame for the artforms that I find myself comfortable in. Music has taken a bit of a back seat these days as I simply explore those that I can carry around and live with in the hustle and bustle of my imbalanced lifestyle. Writing. Reading. Photography. Now become companions in a process that raises up a buried self and calls forth a hibernating passion to see and recreate life filled with beauty and purpose.

It has become a new found joy to recreate again especially with Adi and Javi flying with me. We bought identical Nikon D40s yesterday at Hidalgo (and an additional one for my sister who's a closet art enthusiast) and eagerly captured shots away when we got home in the afternoon. The ease of the D40 matched my impatience for technical detail. The color it produced matched my desire to see the vibrance and life of memories that I want immortalized for good.

So yes, perhaps I am seeing the world with a different eye. One click of the shutter at a time.